Dissipate

  Dissipate

  Other Books by Kristin

  Dedication

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Epilogue

  Coming Soon from Kristin Mayer

  Thank You

  Predestined Hearts Excerpt

  Dissipate

  Copyright © 2015 by K. Mayer Enterprises, Inc.

  All rights reserved.

  ISBN:978-1-942910-02-2

  Book Cover by:

  Lisa Jay with Lisa Jay Studio

  Interior Design and Formatting by:

  Christine Borgford with Perfectly Publishable

  Editing by:

  Nichole Strauss with Perfectly Publishable

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system without written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Visit my website at www.authorkristinmayer.com

  Available Now

  The Trust Series

  Trust Me

  Love Me

  Promise Me

  Full-length novels in the TRUST series are also

  available in audio from Tantor Media.

  The Effect Series

  Ripple Effect

  Domino Effect

  Stand Alone Novels

  Predestined Hearts (Co-Authored with Kelly Elliott)

  Coming in Fall of 2015

  Bane

  I dedicate this book to everyone

  who has ever overcome any type of adversity.

  There’s an inner strength in each of us

  to see us through our darker times.

  To become scattered or dispersed

  To be dispelled

  To disappear

  A new direction for one of my favorite contemporary romance author, but Kristin Mayer captures my attention and keeps me intrigued the whole ride in Dissipate.

  ~ Brandy L Rivers,

  Author of Others of Edenton and Others of Seattle

  THE RAIN PELTED my face, making my tears obsolete on the dreariest day of my life. I watched the wooden coffin being lowered into the ground with long leather straps. My world had changed in a matter of moments.

  Part of me wished I could go back to those precious seconds before my mom had revealed the truth about my name. What I thought had been real was actually a lie.

  A lie.

  The coffin touched down on the soaked earth. Three men, known as Watchers in our private society, were to the right of the burial hole. They pulled the leather straps from underneath the coffin, causing a sound that had me gritting my teeth.

  These were the last moments before my mom would be buried for all eternity. Forever is a long time. It has no end and no beginning.

  The Watchers, men over eighteen years of age who had taken an oath of commitment to The Light, stepped away from the grave. Most of the time, they were nineteen before they officially took the title due to the extreme training and discipline of the teachings. Essentially, they watched over our way of life, keeping it pure and simple, ensuring all of our laws were followed. The outside world was filled with sin and was doomed. Sometimes, I felt the position was used as a way to keep females uninformed. Questioning thoughts were not appropriate according to the teachings.

  The rain continued as the men put their hands behind their backs and looked toward the Keeper, the leader of our community.

  We never spoke of the outside world. There were things we needed from it to survive, but we peacefully coexisted. All of my life, I stayed within the walls of our community called The Society. At the back of my mind, I always wondered what life was like beyond the borders.

  Stoically, I stood at the head of the burial hole next to the Keeper. An eerie chill ran down my spine being so close to him. Normally, I tried to avoid his presence at all costs.

  Lightning struck and I had to fight not to flinch. We patiently waited until the Keeper deemed it time to speak. The Keeper made all the laws and saw to it that visions he received from The Light became realty. I never understood what The Light was, but to question it was blasphemy. Basically, we were to blindly follow. Something never seemed right with that thought process, but that was life.

  The rest of the community, known as Charges, stood behind the Watchers as their eyes casted on the casket.

  Thunder rolled through the area as the rain came down harder. My bonnet pressed against my face as I spared a glance at the Keeper. He had on his black tall hat. His shock-white hair peeped out underneath the brim. Every time I took in his wrinkled, papery white face, I shivered. Something had always seemed off about him. My mind was numb as I tried to process the loss.

  He cleared his throat. “My fellow family. It is a sad day when we lose one of our Charges. We’ve learned through our teachings that as life gives it must also take. Yesterday, it took our Anita and we will forever bear the loss. It is a burden we share that serves as a uniting purpose. Anita has left a piece of her light in her daughter, Sarah, which we are grateful for. Are there any doubters of The Light in our presence?”

  Sarah.

  That apparently wasn’t my real name. It was Kenzie Brooks. At least that’s what my mom had told me right before she died. Did the Keeper know the truth? Glancing up, I looked around at my fellow Charges and the Watchers, all dressed in black and white. Does anyone else know who I am? My mind was numb with everything I tried to process.

  Everyone in unison replied, “No Keeper. We are a unified group.”

  The Keeper knelt and picked up a handful of mud, then threw the glob on my mom’s coffin. “May we always be a unified group, in life and death.”

  The Keeper’s somber words had me wanting to fall and weep. That action would be frowned upon so I stood strong. Per the teachings, extreme emotions led to the sin that had condemned the outside world. I was supposed to accept my mom’s death as something The Light wanted and be grateful she had been chosen to go home. In reality, grateful was the farthest emotion I felt. Selfishly, all I wanted was my mom back.

  We stood there and I watched the mud splotch begin to dissipate through the droplets of rain that landed on the coffin, disappearing into nothingness. I wished I could fade away versus dealing with the new revelations my mom had shared with me.

  The Keeper put his hands on my shoulder and I inwardly cringed while remaining outwardly unaffected. “We shall proceed to the community hall to eat. Today shall be a meal with no talking as we reflect on The Light that burns within us. Sarah shall be allowed her evening of mourning and tomorrow we shall help her cleanse her home.”

  No one responded as it wasn’t a question, but essentially a command. To waste time and energy on frivolous things was frowned upon.

  Mourning time was limited in The Society. After lunch, everyone would
be expected to return to life as normal, except me. The teachings said that to focus on death too long was to fuse in a disease that would eat away at the whole of our community. Having now experienced true heartache, the rule made no sense to me. All I wanted to do was fall to the ground and weep for days.

  Turning, the Keeper stepped away. The Watchers followed. Not a Charge moved from their spot until the last Watcher had passed by me. It was a sign of respect. My best friend, Matthew, walked by me and his fingers grazed mine. Feeling his kindness and sympathy had my lips trembling for a mere moment. Matthew was nineteen and had recently been named a Watcher. Since his induction ceremony, our time together had been limited. I missed him.

  I turned and followed the slow procession. The dirt paths were muddy and my laced-up boots splashed mud on the hem of my soaked, black dress. The old white, wooden community hall doors creaked open as we entered in. None of the Watchers or the Keeper wiped their feet and tracked mud along the wooden floor.

  It was evident the Charges did all of the cleaning as they passed over the threshold. The Charges tried to wipe as much mud off our shoes as possible in the two seconds our feet touched the rug to lessen the cleaning time. To delay and keep people from entering was inconsiderate.

  No one said a word as we took our seats and the Keeper stood at the front of the room. The Watchers sat at the long wooden table behind him. All of the Charges sat in rows perpendicular to the Watchers.

  Matthew took a position toward the end of the table facing the room. For a brief second, our gazes locked before he looked at the plate being placed in front of him. Those crystal-blue eyes framed with blond hair were filled with compassion. Watchers were always served first. Charges were required to get their own plates unless it was a meal of reflection.

  The Keeper removed his hat. “Let’s use this time to reflect on the legacy that Anita left. Use it to brighten our own lights. Let the food give us the energy we need to continue our mission of living the right way. Outside these walls of our community, sin has filled the people and damned them for all eternity. I am thankful we were chosen by The Light.”

  We chimed in as a unified group. “To the light that Anita left behind.”

  Is Anita my mom’s real name? My mom hadn’t said last night as she told me my true name before she died. Kenzie Brooks. The name seemed fitting but foreign at the same time. I am not Sarah. I am Kenzie. I liked the name Kenzie.

  The boiled potatoes and stewed beef were barely palatable as I forced myself to eat. The quiet clanking of utensils against the metal plates filled the silence. At least it had quit raining.

  As soon as it was acceptable for me to leave, I would head back home and find the letter my mom had told me about last night on her deathbed.

  There hadn’t been time last night. During the last hours of a Charge, before they pass, the community gathered at your home to show support. I had only been allowed to be alone with Mom for a few brief minutes. Then she had left me. Forever.

  From that point forward, there had been someone with me the entire time, and I hadn’t been able to look for the letter that was supposed to contain a better explanation. Tonight, I would be alone to mourn my mom and would find it then.

  The Keeper stood and displayed his palms to everyone. “You are excused to leave as you finish. Please resume your normal duties and focus on your inner light in preparation for one day when you are called home. No one is to disturb Sarah.”

  There were nods, but again no one replied. Taking this as my queue to leave, I swallowed the last of the potato and forced it farther down with water. Normally, I would be in the kitchen cleaning but was thankful for being excused from my tasks of the day.

  Making my way to the counter, my eyes found Matthew who was still eating. I could tell he wanted to talk to me. Hopefully, we would be able to carve out some time together soon.

  Sometimes, when we finished early with our assignments, we would sneak into the woods to be together. Holding hands, we would sit and talk for as long as time would allow. My body loved and craved the small amount of contact.

  If anyone, other than my mom, had found out Matthew and I spent time alone together, we would have been punished. As long as holding hands was all we did, mom thought it was good for me to have a friend like Matthew. There were times my lips tingled, wanting to know what it would be like to kiss him, but I always refrained. The only time I’d seen someone kiss was the joining of two persons into one. It was something I wanted to experience.

  Mom frequently broke the rules of The Society when it was only her and I, but had warned me of the severe punishments if anyone found out what she and I did when we weren’t being watched. Those infractions mainly consisted of continuing my education past the level of enlightenment. At that point, girls were no longer allowed to attend school. I had never told a soul of my private lessons.

  As I approached the counter, I nodded to Greta, a fellow Charge and my mom’s best friend. She cleaned with me on most days. Taking the plate from my hands, Greta gave me a sad look that lasted only long enough for me to see it. Her dark-brown hair was put into a bun that was required for all women to wear. Again, my lips trembled.

  With my head down, I passed by everyone that I had known as family for as long as I could remember. The Society totaled one hundred and eight, no one hundred and seven people now.

  Keeping my head down, I continued to walk toward the door that would lead to my freedom for the evening. My heart felt as if a weight pressed on it, threatening to collapse at any moment. I needed to get home.

  As I walked down the steps, I turned left to head toward our, I mean, my home. It was less than a five-minute walk this way. Before I rounded the building, voices sounded from the side, and I pressed myself against the wall when I heard my name. It was the Keeper and his son, John, who was also a Watcher.

  The Keepers raspy voice caused an involuntary shudder. “John, tomorrow evening Sarah will become your wife. You will ensure she continues on the mission of The Light and bear a child with her as soon as possible. She is the only one of age that can be taken as of now. Even though she was brought here at a young age, I do not believe she remembers her past life. We must be sure that she stays on the path and teaches my grandchildren the proper ways of The Society.”

  My throat was dry as my reality further altered. Marriage. Child. He expected me to marry John—tomorrow. My skin crawled with the thought of being married to John and having his kid. He was a widower in his forties. His wife, who’d never been able to have children, passed away four months ago to the same mysterious illness Mom had died from. The herbalists were still unable to find any cure to the illness that plagued our people from time to time. The Keeper said it was The Light’s way of bringing people home when it was time.

  I wanted to be with Matthew. He would bring me comfort.

  “Father, was it in a vision?” John sounded hopeful and my stomach threatened to expel the unwanted lunch I had eaten.

  The voice of the Keeper grew impatient as I pressed myself against the building, hoping to remain unseen. “John, I am getting old and I need my son to have a successor. The new Keeper must have offspring. The Light allows me to do what I deem fit in order to keep our way of life regardless if it comes in a vision or not. You know this. Do not question me.” He paused for a second before continuing, his voice more controlled. “I will wed you to Sarah and she will be able to give you children. She is nineteen and is the perfect age for childbearing. Be at the church tomorrow evening at eight. I shall have Greta tell Sarah of this development tomorrow and say it was a vision. Sarah has probably already headed back for her night of grieving. No one is to bother her. Go back into the hall. Tell no one we have spoken.”

  Thunder roared through the sky which caused me to nearly yelp in surprise. I turned and ran the opposite way to my house and would loop back around in the woods. My mind raced as everything blurred. I tried to go through everything I had found out.

  I was not Sara
h.

  I had a past life prior to The Society.

  The Keeper wanted me wed to his son in order to bear children.

  This was against everything we had been taught about The Light. Regardless if I had believed in The Light or not, any beliefs I did have were vanishing and I felt like I was lost on every level of life imaginable.

  Panic wanted me to curl into a ball to protect myself, but self-preservation drove me to keep going. For now, I would push it all down. First, I needed to find the letter my mom talked about. Then, I would try to figure out the mess my life had become.

  My legs ran faster and faster as I made it to the tree line. Turning back, I made sure no one had seen me. There were no windows in the community hall. I need to get home. Home. The word seemed strange to me now. As I raced to my house, I remembered the glob of mud on my mom’s coffin as it disappeared into nothing.

  I wanted to disappear into nothing.

  I STOPPED INSIDE the tree line that opened up to my backyard. To the left was a vacant lot with tall grass. The Millers’ home was to the right. They would have duties to complete after the meal and should still be at the community hall. As I was about to walk into the backyard, a hand came down on mine and I nearly came out of my skin.

  “Shh, it’s only me.”

  The familiar voice had me heaving a sigh of relief. “Matthew, you scared me.”

  He grabbed my hand in the familiar gesture we were accustomed to when we were alone. The concern in his face was evident. “I was worried about you. Before I have to go see The Keeper, I had to see you. I’m sorry about your mom.”

  The loving lilt in his voice brought a new wave of sadness. I missed my mom. Uncharacteristically, I leaned against his chest. My actions surprised him, and me, as it took a few seconds before warm arms came around me. We’d never been this close, but I needed the comfort more than I knew. It felt safe and I didn’t care that I was breaking some of the fundamental rules.