Dissipate Page 12

  That was a relief, but I hated the word end. There was so much finality to it. My eyes blinked rapidly as I sorted through it all. If I questioned if this would end, I’d seem crazy. We were nineteen. Dating wasn’t a lifetime commitment like it was at The Society. Here, people tried each other out like a testing program, looking for their right fit.

  Dipping his head, Aiden searched my eyes as his lips came closer to mine. “I want to kiss you.”

  My lips tingled as I nodded giving him permission, afraid that I wouldn’t be able to speak. I licked my lips. During the action, my tongue accidentally grazed his which heightened the anticipation. Moaning, he brought his mouth to mine.

  His lips were strong, yet commanding and I opened up to him as I felt his tongue search for mine. I was kissing Aiden. Nerves had me wanting to stop, but the need drove me forward. Fire and ice mixed within me as I lost myself in him.

  Instinctively, the sensations had me pressing against his firm chest. Aiden’s hands came around to my neck, holding me in place.

  I wanted more. My body needed something else. Flexing my hips, a hard sensation pressed against my abdomen. I gasped and broke the connection between us. Looking away, heat flooded my cheeks from feeling what had only been described in my biology lessons with my mom—an erection of the penis. The real thing was different. Much different. It had never been described in a sense that it would have me wanting to throw all reason out the door.

  Aiden put distance between our hips. I missed the contact, but was glad to regain some coherency back. “Before I lose all self-control, what would you say to watching a movie? I brought the next must see with me.”

  “I think a movie sounds great. What did you bring tonight?” However, I didn’t think that would lessen the desire I felt, but probably make it worse.

  He kissed me quickly. “I’ll be right back.”

  Running to the front door, Aiden left it slightly ajar as he walked out to what I assumed was his car. The ice had melted within the bag, so I refilled it while I waited. He came back in and produced two bags of unpopped popcorn and a movie called “Christmas Vacation.”

  “Are you ready for our movie date?”

  My insides melted. “So, this is our first official date?”

  Aiden took my right hand, then leaned in to give me a kiss. “Yes, but I plan on taking you on as many dates as you’ll let me. If you wanted to go out we could do that also.”

  The thought of having to deal with more people was exhausting, having already reached my social limit for the night.

  “I like it being the two of us. Here. It’s perfect.” Our breaths were mixing and the now familiar charge heightened between us.

  Taking a step back, Aiden took in a deep breath. “Let’s start the movie. I’m having a hard time controlling myself around you.”

  Those words made me feel good. We were both affected by each other’s presence. It was a heady feeling to be wanted. Aiden led me into the living room where he put the movie in. A crazy guy in a red costume wrapped in colored lights came on the screen. It looked like a Santa costume. When researching what all of our different holidays we’d have off meant, Christmas was the holiday I was most looking forward to.

  Grabbing the popcorn, Aiden raised un-popped bags to me. “Let me pop the popcorn and I’ll be right back.”

  Aiden jogged back to the kitchen where the beeping of the buttons on the microwave commenced. A few seconds later popping sounded. The microwave still fascinated me as unseen molecules moved about cooking the food.

  Hours upon hours could have been saved at The Society if some of the modern day conveniences had been allowed. We’d only known the conveniences of a stove and refrigerator.

  The washing machine was my next new favorite appliance. I’d never hand wash another article of clothing if I could help it.

  Another longer beep sounded, signifying the microwave was done. Aiden came back with a bowl full of the yummy goodness and sat next to me.

  Instinctively, I cuddled into his side. “Is this all right with you?”

  “It’s more than okay.” Pushing Play on the remote, the movie zinged to life. “Kenzie, you’re about to meet a great man by the name of Clark Griswold.”

  Clark Griswold?

  “I can’t wait.”

  The movie started and Clark Griswold was one of the funniest men . . . ever. Laughter filled the living room as we watched dear Mr. Clark get overzealous with the spirit of Christmas. I was definitely looking forward to the Christmas season.

  As the credits rolled, Aiden asked, “Did you like it?”

  “Loved it! I can’t wait for the next movie on your list.”

  Through the entire movie, I hadn’t moved from Aiden’s side. It was hard not trying to sniff him with the scent of his cologne—manly and rugged. There was seriously something wrong with me. Sniff him? Really, Kenzie, you’re losing your mind.

  Kissing the top of my head, he asked, “What do you want to do?”

  “I want to stay just like this.” I raised my head. “Wait, was that too forward of me?” There really wasn’t girlfriend etiquette on the internet or at least etiquette that I deemed as a viable source.

  He shook his head. “If it feels right for us, it’s not too forward. Let’s see what’s on the television.”

  As Aiden flipped through the channels, my eyes started to drift close. This was the first night since I’d left The Society that I didn’t feel like crying.

  MY BODY WAS getting moved about and I stirred. Aiden’s sleep ridden voice drifted through the air. “Shh . . . I’m carrying you to bed. Don’t worry, I’m going to sleep in Brooklyn’s room.”

  “Mmmkay.”

  From all the weeks of exhaustion catching up to me, my eyes were heavy. The mattress dipped and Aiden laid me on the bed before covering me with my blankets.

  I missed the feel of his comfort, but knew it was too soon to have him lay with me. Lips pressed against mine. “Night, Kenzie.”

  “Night.” My words came out garbled.

  Another kiss on my lips, then Aiden walked away as I heard his footsteps. Nearing sleep, minutes later, his voice came from the doorway in a hushed tone that sounded like a vow. “I’m going to make you feel special every day like you deserve.”

  The door closed before I could respond. Aiden made me feel things stronger than I had ever felt before. Whispering in the night, I said, “I’m going to make sure you know how much you mean to me every day.”

  STIFFLY, I STRETCHED as the new day awoke me. The clock read seven in the morning. Normally, I naturally got up at five thirty which was when we were expected to start the day at The Society. Idle hands and lazy bodies were something we were told The Light did not approve of. I scoffed at some of the teachings we had been taught.

  There were some lessons the Keeper had taught us like being a good person and honesty that were important in life. To me, those rules had a place. Hopefully, as time progressed, I’d be able to distance myself from the constant falsities that had been ingrained in me.

  My thoughts turned to Aiden. I had a boyfriend and he wanted me—plainness and all. Getting out of bed, I changed out of my clothes from last night. It had been a while, before my mom had gotten sick, since I had slept so soundly. Being rested felt good.

  Finding a pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeve T-shirt Brooklyn had given me from clothes she no longer wore, I headed downstairs. The door to Brooklyn’s room was closed. In the living room, the blanket was on the floor where Aiden must have discarded it before carrying me to bed. I folded it and placed it on the back of the couch. Aiden’s cell phone was on the floor too. Picking it up to put it on the table, two messages flashed across the screen, one on top of the other.

  Stacy: Aiden, we need to talk. Please come see me.

  Levi: It’s about time you got lucky! Feels good, doesn’t it?

  I hadn’t meant to see the texts. Quickly, I put it on the end table. I wasn’t sure which text bothered me more—people thin
king I would give myself that quickly to someone or knowing Stacy was trying to get Aiden.

  Stacy put a sour taste in my mouth. Jealousy was an emotion I wasn’t accustomed to, but it was blossoming and taking over my rational thinking. Shame was also prevalent as I realized what it must look like we had done.

  “Good morning, beautiful. Why didn’t you wake me?” Aiden’s deep voice scared me and I jumped, yelping. His black hair was disheveled as he tried to finger comb it.

  Feeling like I had been doing something wrong, when I knew I hadn’t, I blurted out, “I was picking up your phone off the floor and saw the messages light up. Aiden, I swear I wasn’t looking. The screen lit up and it was there. I’m so sorry.”

  I stopped, knowing I was becoming repetitive.

  Aiden’s brows furrowed. Coming to the side table to where his phone was, he looked at me. If he went back to Stacy, it was better to know now before things got more serious between us. The other, I wasn’t sure what could be done besides not let him stay over anymore. Why did I care? Having public acceptance from all members of The Society was key. Old habits were hard to break. I had to fight the notion that Abraham, from The Society, would find out and punish me.

  I didn’t want to invade his privacy and watch his reaction when he read it. “I’m going to finish cleaning up. Do you want any breakfast?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be right there to help.”

  As I entered the kitchen, Aiden picked up the phone from the table. When I grabbed the used bags of popcorn, I noticed my hands were shaking. Taking a few steadying breaths, I threw the garbage away.

  Arms came around my waist. “There is nothing going on between Stacy and me, Kenzie. I swear it. I’d never be unfaithful to you. I’m not going to see her.” He kissed my cheek. “And Levi was being a prick. He’s been after me to hook up with someone after the Stacy ordeal.”

  Aiden nuzzled my neck. Hookup? I assumed it meant casual sex with someone like a one-night-stand I had read about.

  Still stiff, I responded repentant, “I shouldn’t have looked. It wasn’t my business.”

  Stopping, Aiden turned me around to face him. It was hard feeling like I had done something wrong and being judged by others. It was an internal struggle I’d been facing since I’d arrived, but being romantic with a guy was the hardest thing I’d done yet. I wanted Aiden. There was no doubt about my feelings. But, was it right to want him like I did?

  His hands came up to my shoulders. “You’re upset. What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t want people to have a bad impression of me.”

  A worried look passed across his features as wrinkles creased his forehead. “I told Levi to fuck off. I’ll never share what we have or haven’t done. It’s none of their business.” Taking a settling breath, Aiden squatted to where we were eye level. “And Stacy, I told her no. There was nothing to talk about. I don’t have anything to hide, Kenzie.”

  Closing my eyes, I tried to ground myself. It was a couple of minutes before I spoke. Opening them, Aiden watched me carefully. “I know. I’m overreacting. It’s just that, I grew up very conservative. Like really conservative, Aiden. It caught me by surprise that they’d assume we’re sleeping together. I get that it’s a normal part of relationships.”

  Aiden’s right hand caressed my cheek. “If you don’t want me to stay the night, I won’t. There’s no pressure for us.”

  “No, I want you to.” The words were out of my mouth before I had a chance to think about them.

  Seeing Aiden’s grin helped me remember that what my mom had always said, You know the truth and that’s all that matters, Sarah. After being Kenzie for over the last month, Sarah seemed like another person altogether—she was another person altogether.

  “Then I’ll stay the night when I can. I love your honesty. It’s refreshing. There’s no games or hidden agendas.”

  It was hard to keep a smile on my face. Most everything I had told Aiden about my past was a lie with only a few pieces of truth thrown it. Instead of agreeing, I kissed him. His lips had become an addiction of mine in less than twenty-four hours.

  As the kiss ended, Aiden squeezed me tight. “Let’s go out to get some breakfast. Then we’ll figure out what we want to do today.”

  “That sounds perfect.”

  I’d focus on my mom’s advice for Aiden and me. At the end of the day, I was tired of letting other people control me. This was my life to live. Mine.

  STACY HAD MISSED class this morning. Relief was an understatement. Her friends had glared at me the entire time which meant they knew. Great. Well, I’d deal with that as it happened. The newspaper was busy as I walked in. Greeting my fellow coworker’s, I made my way to the pod area Aiden and I shared.

  Betty came up and nudged my shoulder. After getting to know her over the last month or so, she was eccentric, but it was an endearing quality I liked.

  “Is it true? Did Aiden finally grow a pair of balls and ask you out.”

  I chuckled. The slang was still funny to me. Like . . . how does a person really grow a set of balls? Or . . . How does it rain cats and dogs?

  Stopping my internal thoughts, I answered a waiting Betty. “Yes, we’re together.”

  “It was about time. Watching him be all moony-eyed over you was becoming unbearable. Oh and I like your new look. Quite sexy, girl. Rawr.”

  As Betty backed away with her pigtails swinging she made a cat-like noise. Now, that was something new. It sounded like a weird type of complement. Not knowing how to respond, I gave a big smile and wink.

  From three desks away, Aiden popped his head up. “There you are. Tasha wanted to see us when you got here.”

  “Okay, let me put my stuff down.”

  We walked into Tasha’s office. Amidst all the papers, she looked up from her desk. “Hey, there. As you know Congresswoman Hannigan is scheduled to speak here this Thursday. She’s part of the huge national anti-bully movement that’s spreading like wildfire.” There were several dings into Tasha’s e-mail as she glanced briefly at the screen before continuing. “She’s agreed to a ten-minute interview. All questions must be pre-submitted for approval by tomorrow. Can you guys cover the speech?”

  Aiden loved interviews. He looked toward me and I nodded that I was able to do it before he responded, “We’ll get on it.”

  “Good. I need the questions on my desk by three tomorrow afternoon so I have time to review before the seven o’clock turn in. Your interview will be at nine forty-five.” Tasha turned back to her work which was our cue to leave. As we made it to the door, our boss called after us. “Oh, and I’m glad you guys finally made it official. Just keep it professional is all I ask.”

  “Of, course,” I responded.

  Tasha winked and Aiden rolled his eyes. Heat flooded my cheeks as I thought about what she implied. As we returned back out to the office, we took our seats.

  Leaning over, Aiden gave me a quick kiss and I opened my mouth in shock. Whispering, I scolded him. “Aiden, did you not hear what Tasha just said?”

  His lips brush my earlobe and I wanted to be closer to him. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

  Scooting my chair back, I threw a pencil at him. “Focus. We have an interview to prepare you for.”

  “If I’m good, will I get a kiss afterward?” Those puppy dog eyes were pitiful.

  I couldn’t help the curve of my lips and turned on my computer. “Maybe. We’ll see.”

  Aiden moved his chair back to his computer and we got straight to work. “Oh, I’ll be real good.”

  Giggling, I wrote down everything he needed me to research.

  “BROOKLYN, I’M HOME.” I called as I entered the apartment.

  After getting approval for the interview questions from Tasha, I had gone to the library to use the internet for research. At some point, I hoped to be able to get a laptop. Brooklyn had offered to let me use hers anytime I needed, but sometimes I didn’t want her to see what I researched.

  For instance, I’d searched
what it meant to ‘Rawr’ at someone. The answer was a sexually oriented version of the word roar. Yeah, I was at a loss. But urban dictionary had become my newfound friend.

  Her and Mike came down the stairs. Brooklyn, dressed to go out, giggled. They were becoming inseparable. So far, Mike hadn’t stayed here yet.

  Seeing me, Brooklyn stopped, then glanced back upstairs nervously. Something seemed off but she was always up to something. “Hey, we’re headed out to grab a quick bite to eat. We’ll be back later. Do you need anything?”

  Starting for the stairs, I yawned. “I’m good. Thanks. You guys have fun.”

  “We will. See you later.”

  “Later.”

  Aiden and I hadn’t made plans when I went to the library. So, tonight I was going to be home alone. First, I was going to change into my pajamas before I made pasta.

  Trudging up the steps, I walked into my room and was stopped by the blanket spread out on the floor. Aiden closed the journal he used for the newspaper.

  Hopping up, he came over and kissed me on my cheek. “Hey, there. I figured I’d surprise you with dinner. With our hectic schedules for the last couple of days, I wanted to make sure we got to spend some time together.”

  Before me was a blanket with sub sandwiches and chips. “Aiden, this is so thoughtful. I didn’t think I was going to get to see you this evening.”

  “I’m glad you like it. Let’s eat. I’m starved.”

  Smiling, I set my backpack down and grabbed a sandwich.

  Aiden spoke before taking another bite, “I was going over all the questions for Congresswoman Hannigan. I think we’re set.”

  “I think so too. I talked to my boss at the coffee shop. She said it was fine if I left early. So, I’ll meet you outside Old Main by nine fifteen if that works.”

  Aiden finished chewing his bite as I took one. I had been hungrier than I thought. “No, I’ll still pick you up.”

  Since we had started dating, Aiden had been meeting me every day at the coffee shop to walk me to my first class. “You don’t have to. I’ll be fine.”