Innocence Page 3

  “I won’t. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  I stumbled out of the cemetery while Farrah screamed more. I’d never meant for any of this to happen. My pace picked up to a jog, then a run. All I wanted was the pain to go away. For Alec to be here. Mom to be okay. To dance at Juilliard. Have the love of my life by my side.

  For June third to have never happened.

  All of it to go away.

  I slowed at the gate when I realized where I’d run to. The Paddington’s. I was at Charles’ childhood home. My home away from home. Sweat poured off my brow after running the four miles. In prison, I’d managed to stay somewhat in shape, but nothing like I used to be. Leaning over, I eased the burning in my lungs.

  Why was I here? I needed to leave. Showing up here would only cause me more heartache, especially if Charles was home. Where was he living? Was he living with Rachel? I stared at the gate wondering why our love wasn’t enough.

  You’re the only girl for me, London.

  On countless occasions, Charles whispered those exact words to me. What else had been lies between us? There was no way our love was as strong as I thought with how fast he moved on.

  Wanting to leave before I was seen, I turned just as a car pulled up. I jumped, not expecting anyone. I stopped breathing, praying it wasn’t Charles. When the face became visible, I released the air I’d held. Caroline, Charles’ mom, eased up in her Lexus as I moved out of the way.

  “London?”

  Would she want me here? This had to be strange with me showing up unannounced to my ex’s house. The stress affected me. I started to back away. “I’m so sorry. I was at the cemetery. Then, I ran and I wasn’t thinking. I’ll leave now. I didn’t mean to show up uninvited.”

  I turned to start jogging when Caroline called after me. “London, please wait.” Stopping, I closed my eyes ready for anything. A car door opened. Caroline was always kind to me, but being convicted of murder could change how a person looked at someone. All of the loss proved that.

  A hand gently pressed on my shoulder and I turned around to face her. “Come up to the house. Charles is gone until tomorrow. I thought your letter said you were getting released next week? I planned to come by your dad’s place to welcome you home.”

  Letting out a sigh of relief, I watched her tentatively. Caroline and I were close and maybe somewhat of a relationship with her could be salvaged between us. I missed our long talks. She had been like a second mom to me.

  Caroline looked me over and a loving smile graced her lips. Her crisp pink suit reminded me of something Jackie Kennedy would wear. Not a blonde hair out of place. Caroline was the picture-perfect image of a senator’s wife.

  “Can you come up to the house, London? I would love to catch up.” I’m sure I looked half-crazy in my jeans and light jacket, sweating and all my makeup cried away.

  I took a deep breath. “I can only stay for a few minutes before I need to head back to Dad’s. I told him I’d only be gone for a few hours.”

  “Of course, dear. Would you like for me to drive you back?”

  “I appreciate it, but I think I’ll walk back. I like the exercise. It feels good to be outside.”

  She gave me a tender look as she slid into the driver’s seat of her silver car. “Of course, London.”

  After getting in, we drove up to the large estate as Caroline talked about various changes. The three-story home always reminded me of a fairytale with the large white columns and black shutters. The water fountain in the middle of the circle drive only added to the magnificence.

  Getting out of the car, Caroline waited for me at the bottom of the steps. “Can I give you a hug, London? I’ve missed you.”

  Maybe there was hope for me to stay in touch with Caroline. My smile was genuine. “Yes, of course.”

  Caroline wrapped me in a hug. “Welcome home, London.”

  “Thank you, Caroline. I mean Mrs. Paddington.” Charles and I weren’t together anymore. I had to remind myself. I looked around for her husband, Charles Senior. Since Charles was named after his father, this was how Caroline differentiated between the two.

  Pulling back, Caroline looked at me. “It’s still Caroline. I know things got difficult between you and Charles, but I never stopped thinking of you as one of my own. And I know Charles Senior feels the same way.”

  Tears welled in my eyes. Charles left me. I thought it had been because of his family, but maybe it was his choice after all. I wasn’t as close with Charles’ dad, but no one really was.

  “You and Charles Senior will always have a special place in my heart.”

  “Let’s go have some hot tea and catch up.”

  I followed Caroline into the pristinely designed home. It felt as though I stepped back into the Civil War times with the ornate furniture and lavish fixtures. Fresh flowers could always be found strategically placed throughout the home, giving off a divine smell. Not much had changed since I left.

  We entered the study done in rustic wood walls. Charles and I did our homework together in this room. A few times we’d made out in here, but never anything more. That was always saved for the bedroom.

  I pushed the thoughts aside as I sat on the floral loveseat with Caroline. The aroma of hot jasmine tea filled the air as she poured us a cup from the sterling silver teapot.

  At first Caroline visited every once in a while, but it brought too much unwanted attention to me at the prison—making me more of a target. I’d suggested the visits be limited. Instead they’d sent me things to make my life easier. “Thank you for all the care packages you sent. I know you received my thank you letters, but I wanted to tell in you person.”

  Caroline took a sip of tea. “I know, dear. I wish we could have done more, but didn’t want to overstep my bounds and bring you more heartache. When Charles told us of his decision to end things, it broke my heart. Charles Senior and I weren’t expecting the breakup. I asked if it was because of the election, but Charles assured us it wasn’t. I still wish things had gone differently.”

  I worked on schooling my shock at this news. All of this was drastically different from what Charles told me, but now made sense. He needed a scapegoat and his parents fit the bill. Charles knew I loved his family and wouldn’t want them hurting. With me behind bars, what could I do once he broke ties and dated the town’s debutant? If I said anything, I would be the scorned murderer behind bars.

  The illusion of love I’d known began to dissolve.

  I steadied myself. “Me, too. But we can’t change the past. If only my memory would come back.”

  Caroline scrunched her eyebrows. “Have you thought about hypnosis?”

  “No. Maybe I’ll look into it. I’ve tried to remember something . . . anything from that night, but it’s a black swirl. The doctors don’t believe it will ever come back.” I looked down at the steam as it rose from the cup. “I wish I could remember. I’ve seen all the photos, but without the memories, it’s hard to feel like it was me.”

  “I know. I can’t imagine.”

  The silence lingered. “Dad told me Charles has been seeing Rachel. I hope me being here won’t cause issues.”

  Caroline grimaced and I felt sick as the knots in my stomach tightened. “Of course, it won’t. Charles has decided to pursue politics. He’s running for mayor next fall and see where it takes him from there. His father thinks he can do it. Charles and Rachel have been quite involved in the community.”

  Hearing their names together was hard. Charles and Rachel. It used to be Charles and London. A criminal background didn’t lend too well on the campaign trail. More and more made sense as the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. Maybe fate brought me here to give me closure on something.

  I needed to respond and thought of something politically correct. “Charles was always brilliant at anything he set his mind to. I’m glad things are working out for him.”

  “What are your plans?”

  Thankful for the change in subject, I sipped my tea. “T
omorrow, I’m looking for a job. Help Dad out on the farm and start over—or at least as much as I can, considering.”

  “Let me know if there’s something I can help you with. I’m heading out of town early in the morning tomorrow to meet Charles Senior in DC. I can’t wait to tell him you’re out. He’ll want to see you next time he’s in town.” The sincerity of Caroline’s voice confirmed why I’d subconsciously run here. They were my second home . . . they still felt like family.

  Commotion came from the hallway. “Mom! I have news! We came back early!” Excitement filled his voice.

  His voice.

  The voice I knew better than my own.

  I froze.

  This wasn’t happening.

  Female giggles followed and then another woman’s voice I hadn’t recognized. A sickness flooded over me as I placed my teacup on the table then tightly gripped my kneecaps to stay focused on the pain lacerating into my skin versus the red-hot poker barreling through my heart.

  Everything happened in slow motion. A shocked look crossed Caroline’s face as she looked at me with concern. The doors burst open before I had a chance to make an escape. In unison, two people said, “WE’RE ENGAGED!”

  The bile rose in my throat. I was going to be sick. Keep it together. Escape as soon as possible.

  Charles and Rachel walked in the room looking at each other . . . in love. A fresh wave of nausea hit me. Her parents followed shortly after. It was impossible not to stare at him. Charles was always good looking. His blond hair was shorter, clean cut versus the slightly more tumbled look he used to wear.

  Engaged.

  They were engaged.

  Look away, London. Look away. I wasn’t able to listen to the voice in my head as I saw the moment meant for us.

  Charles threw it all away for the political life.

  You’re the only girl for me, London.

  In the moment I was witnessing, nothing could be further from the truth.

  Caroline rose and walked in front of me, hiding me from their sight. They were so wrapped up in each other, I’d gone unnoticed thankfully. She spoke with modest excitement. “That’s wonderful news. Congratulations. Let’s celebrate in the atrium with some champagne.”

  Thank you, Caroline. Hopefully, I’d be able to slip out. Hearing Charles’ warm voice shot daggers to my heart.

  “Isn’t it wonderful, Caroline? Oh, we’ve been waiting for this moment for so long.” Rachel’s mom paused. “You have company? Oh . . . I heard you were released.”

  It was obvious Rachel’s mom, Agatha, recognized me. The snarl on her lip obvious evidence of her feelings for me. Caroline protectively stood in front of me.

  My hands shook. Charles stepped around Caroline. “London? You’re out?”

  On shaky legs, I stood and forced a calm façade. “Charles. Rachel. Congratulations. I ran into Caroline on a run. Mr. and Mrs. Graves, it’s nice to see you.”

  Agatha peered at me with her steely-gray eyes. Why I felt the need to explain myself, I wasn’t sure. Caroline invited me up to the house after she found me at the gate. Charles was supposed to be gone. Rachel looked at me with a masked hatred, a trace of indignation on her face.

  Stay pleasant.

  This isn’t your life anymore, London.

  Rachel hung on Charles more possessively, her long black hair looking bouncy like a shampoo commercial. Rachel was always a pretty girl in school who wanted to be known and adored by the masses. Charles’ career ambitions, which no doubt included more than the mayor’s office, would accomplish that for her.

  Charles’ warm chocolate eyes melted and his features were soft—like he used to look at me, only sending the knife deeper into me. A stark contrast to the dream that still lingered.

  An awkward silence fell on us. Caroline cleared her throat, but I spoke first. “I need to be leaving to get home to Dad. I was released early and wanted to thank Caroline, but don’t want to intrude on this happy occasion. Again, congratulations.”

  “Let me see you out, London.” Caroline’s calming nature kept the situation from spiraling out of control.

  I followed her to the front, ready to be out of this awkward situation. I never wanted to be in the same room as them again if at all possible. There was too much history there. Maybe someday I wouldn’t feel the hurt. Until my heart mended some, it was best to stay away. Nerves overtook me as I heard my heartbeat pounding in my ears.

  Emotionally, I was done for the day.

  We reached the door and Caroline gave me a quick hug. “Call me and we can do lunch. I’m sorry about that. They weren’t supposed to be back until tomorrow. I know it’s hard.”

  Hard was an understatement, but she wasn’t the person to share my sorrows with. This was supposed to be a happy occasion for the Paddington’s. “It’s okay. I need to get going. Thank you, Caroline.”

  “Anytime, London.”

  I jogged down the driveway, needing away from this place. Seeing Rachel and Charles happy made everything real. Charles moved on. He chose someone else to be his wife . . . have his children . . . share his life with.

  It was time for me to move on.

  Nearly making it to the gate, Charles called, “London, wait! Please!” I stopped and closed my eyes, slowly turning around. When was this day going to be over? There was nothing left for me to give.

  “I had no idea you were out.” I wasn’t sure how to respond. “You look beautiful.” I blanched at his comment, eyes going wide. “London, hell, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I saw you and it was like four years ago. It’s hard not feeling . . . something.”

  He left me. He chose to leave me. I only nodded instead of saying those things which would expose me and further my humiliation. We needed a subject change. “Caroline says you’re running for mayor. Congratulations.”

  An indiscernible look crossed his face. “I am.”

  He took a step closer and the familiar pull to be near to him coursed through my body. It was the ingrained natural reaction since Charles was all I knew. We’d been each other’s first kiss, lost our virginity to each other, experienced everything . . . together. I wanted to take a step closer, but that was wrong. He’d left me. He was engaged. Charles pledged his undying love to someone else.

  “London, we weren’t supposed to be home until tomorrow. I would have never come here if I’d known. London, I want—”

  I raised my hand and talked over him. This wasn’t healthy. He had a fiancée. “This is your parents’ home. I won’t stop by anymore and make it awkward for you and Rachel. I’m okay, Charles. Now that I’m out, I can start over. I’m starting over.”

  “London—”

  I took a step back and Charles took a step forward. This needed to stop before my heart was totally obliterated in the emotional blender. “No, I get it, I do. Charles . . .” I paused. “I thought at one point our love would be enough, but sometimes it’s not.”

  “London—”

  I held up my hands. “Please, Charles. Nothing else needs to be said. I won’t be a problem for you or Rachel. Regardless of what happened that night, I’m still me.”

  “I didn’t think that, London. I never thought that.”

  For some reason, after all this time, it helped seeing the sincerity on Charles’ face. “Thanks for that. Congrats, Charles. You deserve to be happy.” I turned and jogged away. Forcing the tears to say at bay, I quickened my gate.

  He called after me, but I pressed forward. There was nothing left to be said. Charles was my past. As I drew closer to home, I focused on tomorrow. I’d find a job, focus on helping at the farm, and try to live.

  “DID YOU STILL WANT TO go into town today?” Dad’s voice interrupted the packing binge of my room. So far, five boxes were filled of memories I hoped faded. I was nearly done.

  I taped the last full box before stopping. Dad was freshly dressed for the day in his normal attire. “Yes, I wanted to look for a job, if that’s okay.”

  “Punkin’, you
know you don’t have to work.”

  “I know, but I need to work. It will help me move forward and be productive with my time.”

  He nodded his head. That was another thing we had in common; neither of us could remain idle. In prison, I volunteered for anything that wouldn’t bring attention to me. It kept me busy and in the good graces of the warden.

  Dad lifted the box. “Let’s take these to the barn and then we can head in.”

  “Sounds perfect.”

  I glanced around my nearly-bare room. A fresh start. Everything felt lighter, cleaner and I knew I would survive.

  Picking up one of the boxes, we headed down to the barn. Sparkles whinnied at us as we passed her. “Hey, girl, I’ll bring you a treat on my way out.”

  We placed the first load of boxes in the back of the tack room. Out of sight. Out of mind. I grabbed a handful of oats and brought them to Sparkles. She eagerly ate them. “Tomorrow, we’ll go for a ride. You and me. How does that sound?”

  She moved her head in acknowledgment and I laughed. Dad always thought Sparkles understood what I said. We had a connection. She had learned her tricks at incredible speed. We were bonded for life.

  After finishing with the boxes, we drove into town. A slight unease came over me as I thought about facing all the people . . . knowing they would be judging me somehow someway. Alec was like a grandchild to so many. I was too for that matter.

  Dad updated me on the furniture he was building and the different horses he boarded. My mind went on autopilot. Things felt normal, but I wondered if any of it was an illusion.

  Dad and I never talked about his thoughts on the accident. I knew he loved me and stood by me. The thought of what the answer could be scared me to death. Every time I got the courage to ask, I let it die on my tongue. Sometimes knowledge wasn’t power. Sometimes it did irreparable damage.

  Shifting the truck to park, Dad gave me a wink. “What time do you want me to pick you up? I plan on heading back home to work after I pick up supplies unless you want me to hang around.”