Dissipate Read online

  He greeted me in his usual way. “Hey, stranger.”

  Aiden’s eyes roamed over my body and his expression didn’t change. He was unreadable. I backed away as self-doubt made its way back into my mind. Maybe the changes didn’t look as good as I thought. He stepped in and rubbed a hand down his face, still not saying anything. My lower lip tried to tremble so I bit down on it.

  Nervously, I rambled and gave Aiden an out in case he didn’t want to take me with my new look. “It’s okay if you’ve changed your mind about me going to the party. I have some homework I can work on. There’s no pressure.”

  I backed away. Aiden shook his head. “No. Shit. Wait.” He stepped toward me. “Kenzie, you look stunning. I wasn’t expecting this and you. Well, you distracted me.”

  A smile crept back on my face. “Good or bad.”

  “Good. Definitely good.” There wasn’t any hesitation. “Are you ready?”

  “Yes.”

  We walked out to the car, but this time Aiden had his hand resting on the opposite hip as he brought me close to him. I was going somewhere with a guy on a date. A date! And to top it off, Aiden thought I was stunning. Exciting jitters spread throughout me as I tried to memorize every moment of this experience. Opening the passenger door of his black Jeep, I saw flowers. There was a bouquet of pale-pink roses sitting in the passenger seat.

  I held them up while putting them to my nose. They smelled heavenly with their sweet smell. “Are these for me?”

  “They are.” Aiden’s hand reached out for me. When it was mere inches from my face, he retracted it and took a step back. There was something more he wanted to say. There seemed to be hope that maybe he did want to see where things went.

  Taking another whiff, I peeked up. “Thank you. No one has ever given me flowers before.”

  “You’re welcome. I—” Abruptly he quit talking, then walked halfway around his car before stopping. Glancing at me, I started to get in the vehicle, not sure what to say.

  Was he changing his mind?

  Before I had a chance to get in, Aiden was back at my side. “Can we go back inside and talk for a minute? This didn’t go the way I had planned.”

  There was an awkwardness that fell on us. I wasn’t sure what was going on.

  I was a little confused as I laid the flowers back down on the seat. “Umm . . . sure. What’s wrong?”

  “We’ll talk inside.”

  In silence, we walked back to the door and made our way to the living room. His hands nervously rubbed up and down his jeans. Aiden was acting strange and I had no idea what to expect at this point.

  I flipped on the brown wrought-iron lamp that gave the place some additional light. Deciding to remain quiet, I sat on the couch and put my hands in my lap. It gave me something to fidget with.

  Aiden flipped on a couple of other lights and paced. I decided to speak up. “I don’t have any expectations besides being your friend.”

  He stopped. “Kenzie, I don’t want to be just your friend. Shit. Fuck. I keep messing this up. I’m so nervous.” Aiden’s cursing increased significantly when he was at a loss for words. Rubbing the back of his neck as he looked at me, I felt the intensity of the moment. I wasn’t sure how to read the situation with how his eyes pleaded with mine. “I had this speech all planned out. Then, I saw you and it all went to hell.”

  He took a deep breath and came to sit next to me, taking my hand in his. “I want us to date, Kenzie. Since the day I ran you over, I’ve wanted to ask you out.”

  “Really?” I couldn’t believe my ears.

  Nodding, I felt the pressure of his hand increase. “I couldn’t believe my luck when you ended up being Brooklyn’s roommate. At first you seemed too scared, so I thought we’d be friends first—see how it worked out. This last month, I could feel something happening between us. Fuck, I sound like a pansy.”

  Pausing, he looked at our entwined hands. Those familiar tingles erupted through me. Elation coursed through me. “When I came over here for the movie, it felt like we were finally ready. Then you mentioned us being friends and I didn’t want to chance losing you altogether. That’s why Brooklyn staged that run in at the gym. She hoped I would see your reaction to me and wouldn’t chicken out like I had the other million times I wanted to ask you out. I like you, Kenzie—a lot.”

  I couldn’t stop grinning. Keeping it simple, I responded, “I like you, too.”

  Aiden stood and I followed. Both thumbs came up to the side of my face. “I’ve been dying to kiss you. Please let me.”

  I had never kissed anyone before, but I wanted to with Aiden. I wanted him to be the first one. He slowly brought his mouth to mine. His tongue touched my lips as if he was asking permission and I opened up. Aiden was strong and commanding with his mouth and I melded to him, letting him take the lead.

  Hands came to my lower back and brought me closer to him as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Warmth radiated throughout my body and I moaned. He tasted like my mint toothpaste. The kiss heated up as our tongues moved with more fervor. As we approached an unknown precipice, Aiden pulled back slightly, changing the pace and ending the kiss with a few small pecks.

  “That was amazing, Kenzie.”

  Amazing felt like an understatement to what I was feeling. “I’d have to agree.”

  Aiden still had his hands on my lower back. “I have to go to this party. But, we’ll leave as soon as we can.”

  Was Aiden already looking for the next step? Brooklyn had been with Mike for a month before she took the next step. There was no way I’d be ready in a day. My throat thickened. “Aiden, I’m not ready if you’re wanting it to go further this fast. I haven’t. I mean . . . I’m not—”

  He silenced me with another kiss. Putting a hair’s distance between us his breath tickled my lips. “We’ll take this slow. I don’t want you stressed about us. We’ll never do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.”

  “I like slow.” I let out a breath. There was so much uncharted territory here that I had no idea where to begin.

  Grabbing my hand, he interlaced our fingers. “Let’s go to the party. Then we can come back here or wherever.”

  I nodded as we made our way to the door. Jokingly, I gave him a hard time. “Do you think you’ll actually get in the car this time?”

  Aiden cocked his eyebrow as a satisfied smile graced his lips. “We’ll be leaving this time. You’re mine now and that’s all I needed before.”

  The possessive words had me wanting to leap into his arms and never let go. After getting into the vehicle, we drove five minutes to the fraternity house. Cars and people were everywhere.

  “Wow, this is a big party.” It was more chaotic than I had imagined.

  Aiden put his car into park. “Yeah, I know you’ve never been to one. Stay close to me. Don’t take anything to drink unless I give it to you. If we get separated hang out by the front door and I’ll find you.”

  All these warnings had me on edge as to what I was getting into. “Should I be worried?”

  Turning my way, his thumb came up to my cheek. His touch alone was a soothing balm. “No. But it is a party and people will be drunk. I don’t want anyone hassling you.” Glancing back out to the party, some guy crushed a can to his skull. Aiden’s voice brought my attention back to him. “The guy at the front door, Nathan, will be sober. He makes sure no one leaves with keys if they are drunk.”

  “I got it.”

  As we approached the house, the music grew louder as well as the denseness of people. Aiden brought me possessively closer to his side and I leaned into him. Several people called his name. He waved back, talking to them briefly. Aiden seemed to be able to adapt well in different situations. I envied his confidence.

  As we entered, the inside was packed with people, nearly shoulder to shoulder. A few guys glanced my way, then Aiden’s.

  Talking in my ear so I could hear, he told me, “Brooklyn will be here in a bit. Let’s head downstairs. The music won’t be as
loud there.”

  People were gyrating and moving to the music. Some of it looked pretty provocative. It wasn’t as shocking anymore seeing stuff like this as I immersed into the culture, but I wasn’t sure I’d be ever able to move like that and not die of humiliation.

  We took the stairs to the basement. Aiden was right, the music mellowed. There were a couple of pool tables. The crowd became sparser, but still more than I was used to.

  Looking at the couch, I saw the woman who considered me her arch nemesis.

  “Hey, Aiden. You brought your friend.” The sneer was evident on Stacy’s face.

  With the way Stacy eyed me and the way Aiden held me, I don’t think she could say I came from the gutter this time. Even though Brooklyn had insisted that I was beautiful the way I was, I knew I looked better with my more up-to-date-look. I felt better.

  Aiden was stern as he spoke and I felt the pressure of his hands intensify on my hip. “No, I brought my girlfriend.”

  Stacy looked taken aback as if someone had slapped her. In the few confrontations with Stacy, she’d stressed Aiden was hers. I remained quiet. The relationship between Stacy and Aiden still didn’t make sense because they weren’t together. Briskly, she passed us and gave me a look that was trouble.

  Someone came up and handed Aiden a beer. “Hey, man. Do you want to play a game?”

  “Sure, Levi.” Aiden turned his focus to me. “Do you want to play some pool?”

  Never having seen a game a pool, I thought it wise to watch at first. “I’ll watch you play and cheer you on. I’ve never played before.”

  Speaking to Levi, Aiden said, “Rackem’ up.”

  As we walked, Aiden leaned down to my ear. “I’ll teach you sometime.”

  A shiver ran along my back. “I’d like that.”

  There were stools around the perimeter that other girls were sitting on. Aiden took a swig of his beer as his friends all acknowledged him.

  He introduced me, “Hey guys, this is Kenzie, my girlfriend.” There was pride in his words.

  I liked the sound of being Aiden’s girlfriend and he seemed to enjoy it too. We belonged to each other in a sense. Some whoops and hollers proceeded and I turned toward Aiden, trying not to blush.

  A shorter guy, about my height who Aiden had called Levi, commented, “Maybe she’ll break your concentration tonight. I see some easy cash in our future, boys.”

  Aiden gave me a quick kiss and I tried not to be too embarrassed of the act in front of people. Intimate contact was part of dating, but still an adjustment for me.

  “I’d say the chances of that are pretty good.” Aiden said back to the guy as he gave me a playful wink.

  Guiding me to the stool, I took a seat, before Aiden grabbed a long stick. Standing at the end of the table, he hit a white ball into a triangle of colored ones that had numbers on them.

  “I call stripes.” Aiden announced as he stepped away from the table. That made sense considering he knocked two stripes and one solid ball into the pockets of the table.

  The next guy got one solid in and missed his next shot. Aiden lined up his shot from across the table. As he drew back the stick, he looked at me and winked as he hit the ball. It shot straight into the hole.

  Things were definitely heating up as I imagined him touching me more than he had already. What would it feel like to have his hands accidentally touch me in places that yearned for him? I needed to slow my thoughts.

  When Aiden was with me, parts came alive that I never knew existed and I was beginning to crave more. These new feelings were strong and affected me in ways I had never imagined. I wanted Aiden like I’d never wanted anyone else . . . including Matthew.

  WE WERE SITTING on the couches. Brooklyn and Mike had joined us. She sat on his lap. Aiden had his arm around my shoulders while I leaned into him.

  “It was about time you guys got together.” Brooklyn eyed Aiden.

  I looked to his face as he watched me, but spoke to his sister, “I couldn’t agree more.”

  When we gazed into each other’s eyes, I got lost in the way he looked at me. There seemed to be so much more he was trying to communicate.

  Brooklyn’s excited tone had us breaking our dopey-eyed stare. “You should take Kenzie up to Mount Kessler in a couple of weekends when the leaves change. It’s beautiful up there with the rocks.” Brooklyn swung her legs as she pitched date ideas to us.

  Aiden watched me as I answered his raised eyebrow. “I’m good with whatever.”

  “I think you’d like it up there.” Aiden was an outdoors guy for sure. It didn’t bother me since I spent most of my days when I wasn’t cleaning or cooking, helping with outside tasks.

  He gave my hand a squeeze as he spoke, “It’s a date then.” I loved the fact that I had a date.

  Brooklyn did her little clap thing when she was excited.

  A guy approached Aiden and whispered something in his ear. Aiden looked at me. “I’ll be right back. There’s something I need to handle.”

  Then, he made eye contact with Mike who responded to what must have been a silent question, “You got it.”

  Aiden followed the guy upstairs. I was about to say something when someone came and plopped beside me, nearly knocking the couch backward. I braced myself.

  “Hey, you came. I knew you’d come. This is better than a phone call.” Trent slurred his words.

  Trent was acting weird and I wasn’t sure what to say as he appeared friendlier than what seemed acceptable.

  “Umm . . . hey, Trent.” My voice was guarded.

  Trent whistled or attempted to. “I like your new look. Fuck a duck, you’re even prettier than before.”

  His words made me uncomfortable and I scooted away. It was evident what he was intending and I wanted Aiden. Quickly, I searched the room to see if I could see him. He was nowhere to be seen.

  “Trent.” Mike’s tone was a clear warning and I was relieved he recognized how uncomfortable I was.

  Throwing his hand on my leg haphazardly, I moved away. The touch repulsed me. Brooklyn got off Mike’s lap before he stood.

  “What? She’s single. She’s hot. Don’t Trent me.”

  Mike shook his head and I swear he got bigger as he crossed his arms over his chest. I was now far enough away that I had lost contact with Trent’s hand.

  “She’s with Aiden, Trent.” Mike’s booming voice had me wanting to shrink back.

  Trent looked my way and gave me a goofy smile. “You can still call me.” He lowered his voice to what he thought was a whisper, but was still loud enough for everyone to hear. “I won’t tell if you call. Pssst . . . I like to bang Aiden’s girlfriends.”

  I gasped and stood as two hands grabbed Trent’s collar. “Don’t lay a mother fucking hand on Kenzie again. Stay away, Trent. I’ll get your ass kicked out of the house so fast and not think twice about it. I’m not messing around.”

  Trent laughed and Aiden was breathing hard. I’d never seen Aiden this agitated. Moving across the way, I joined Brooklyn on the couch.

  Trent leaned his head back and cockily slurred, “Just give her time. She’ll be begging me to fuck her hard like Stacy.”

  A fist crunched into the side of Trent’s face as Brooklyn and I cringed at the sound.

  “HEY, PUT THIS on your knuckles.” We were in the kitchen at my apartment as I handed Aiden a bag of ice.

  Taking the ice, Aiden leaned his head against the light colored wood cabinets. As he pressed it against his knuckles he didn’t wince and I had a feeling he was only icing them for the benefit of me. I put my flowers in a vase I’d found in one of the cabinets.

  Aiden’s blue eyes pierced me. “This was not how I envisioned our first night as a couple.” Then thoughtfully, added, “I’m sorry about Trent.”

  Looking at Aiden’s hand, I played with a few strands of my hair. Tonight had been a test and showed me how much I still had to learn as I integrated myself into this society. “Mike was there and you returned the minute he crossed
the line. Is it true about Stacy?”

  I knew it shouldn’t bother me, but it did.

  He cleared his throat, “Yeah. We dated in high school. Last school year, I was supposed to be gone for a long weekend at my parents’ house. Stacy had wanted to stay behind. Her parents fought all the time and she hated going home.”

  Pausing for a second, he shook his head as if he was clearing a bad memory. “I came back early to surprise her. Trent and Stacy were in bed together at her place. The rest is history. She said it wasn’t what it looked like and that she’d been confused. The normal bullshit you hear people saying.”

  Aiden shifted the ice on his hand. “Anyway, she’s been trying to get back together since then. When Stacy saw me on the lawn with you near that tree, she freaked out on me as we walked back to the Sigma Chi house. I told her you were just a friend. The last thing I needed was for her to scare you off.”

  I hated feeling insecure about myself. However, Stacy was beautiful and experienced—the exact opposite of me.

  “Kenzie, sweetheart, what you are thinking?”

  Playing more with my hair, I tried to think about how to say this. I wanted to always be as honest as I could be with Aiden since there were so many secrets I’d never be able to tell him. “I . . . it’s just . . . I’m not experienced, Aiden. Like at all. There’s no way I’ll be able to compete with someone like Stacy. You were my first kiss . . . ever.”

  Needing space in case he wanted to bail, I backed up until I hit the wall on the opposite side of the kitchen, about six feet away. Aiden jumped off the counter, laying the ice to the side, as I waited for him to respond to me. Reaching me, slowly he put his hands on each side of my face. None of his actions were abrupt as he looked in my eyes while I craved his touch.

  “Trust me, Stacy can’t compete with you. You’re in a league of your own and you’re mine. We’ll take it at our own pace. When we have sex, it’ll be because we’re both ready. There are no time limits on this. There is no pressure.” He took a breath. “If we end, which I hope to hell we don’t, it won’t be because of anything sexual.”

  I searched Aiden’s eyes to see if there was truth in them. Aiden continued, “I’ll prove to you in time that you’re more than Stacy.”