Dissipate Read online

  He shrugged. “I know. Before we dated, I wanted to meet you every day, but didn’t want to scare you. I like doing it.”

  Tapping his foot to mine we slipped into easy conversation as we ate. Watching him move with ease had my body convincing my mind that I needed more than kissing. It was getting hard to focus and my legs had the instinctive need to push together in order to relieve a yearning I couldn’t describe.

  “Kenzie, did you hear me?”

  “Huh?”

  Chuckling, he repeated himself. “Do you want to study while I go over the questions one last time?”

  If anything, Aiden was meticulous when it came to his journalism which also happened to be his major.

  “Yeah, I have one more section I need to review in Biology. It’ll take thirty minutes. Let’s sit on the bed. It’ll be more comfortable.” I grabbed some clothes from the dresser. “I’m going to change.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll go get us some more water.”

  Heading to the bathroom, I changed into some of Brooklyn’s yoga pants she’d given me. I was becoming addicted to them. They were the most comfortable thing I had ever worn. Coming back out, Aiden was on the bed, leaning against the headboard. I took my seat next to him.

  I was knee deep in learning about cells when Aiden flicked a piece of something that hit me on the nose.

  “Hey, what was that?” I snickered. “I’m studying.”

  “What?” The innocent look on his face was totally fake.

  Giving him a playful-stern look, I responded, “You know exactly what.”

  Now, he looked confused and I focused back on my book. A few minutes later he did it again. I pushed my book to the side.

  “Where is that piece of paper?” I took Aiden’s journal and searched everywhere. “Aiden, where is your stash?”

  He laughed as I tried to pry his fists open where the paper he threw at me was probably located. I looked down to speak and realized, I was straddling him, chest in his face.

  Swallowing hard, he searched my eyes. My mouth gravitated to his.

  Releasing his hands, I pushed my fingers through his dark hair when my lips touched his. We moaned into each other’s mouths and I felt Aiden’s hands on my back holding me to him. The kiss intensified, stronger than anything we’d shared before. My body ignited with a need and my hips moved against Aiden. The feeling sent tingles all through me and drove me for more.

  Between kisses, Aiden murmured, “Kenzie, sweetheart, are you okay with this?”

  “Just a little more.”

  Aiden’s hands crept to the bottom of my shirt, touching my skin. This spurred me as we kissed harder. Fingers crept higher. I wanted him to touch me somewhere intimate. As he reached the underside of my breasts, I leaned back, giving him better access.

  Pushing my shirt up, Aiden pushed down the cups of my bra. “You are so fucking beautiful. I need to taste you.”

  “Yes.”

  Aiden brought his mouth to my nipple and sucked it in his mouth. An erotic throb pulsed through my body. The other nipple was being rolled in between his fingertips. A small whimper escaped my throat. Never in my life had such sensations coursed through me and I became lost in the moment.

  His free hand trailed down my stomach and traced the edge of my pants. “Kenzie, is this okay?”

  My eyes shot to his as I contemplated him touching me there. I wanted it, but was it too soon? Withdrawing his hand, Aiden gave my nipple one last kiss before replacing my bra and pulling my shirt down.

  Tracing small, soothing patterns on my shoulder, Aiden waited for our breathing to calm down. “We’ll wait. I don’t want there to be any hesitation.”

  I looked down. “I’m so sorry. I want to go there, I just wasn’t ready. I got caught up in the moment.”

  Gently, Aiden moved me off of his lap and we scooted underneath the covers. “There is nothing for you to apologize for. Hell, Kenzie, being with you like that was amazing.” His eyes blazed as he looked at me. “You were incredible.”

  The praise did wonders for me as I believed Aiden had enjoyed himself. “Do you need me to do anything?”

  I’d heard the term blue balls and researched it. It was when you left a guy hanging. Obviously his balls didn’t turn blue, but it hurt them. The last thing I wanted was for Aiden’s balls to hurt.

  “No, it was perfect.” A hand stroked down my back. “Do you want me to go?”

  Firmly, I held him. “No, I want you to stay.”

  Silence elapsed and Aiden continued holding me. Images and the feelings kept replaying in my mind. What we had shared was strong. The beating of his heart was a calming talisman. My eyes eventually shut as the warmth surrounding me lulled me to sleep.

  BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

  Reaching for my alarm clock, I turned it off. It was five in the morning. An arm tightened around my waist and I froze. Aiden and I had slept together all night.

  “I don’t know how you get up this early five days a week.”

  I tried to extricate myself from his arms, but gave up in his iron grasp. “It’s not that early. Plus, it’s a good job that keeps my nights free.”

  “I think I like it a little better. I’ll get up and head home.” He released me instantly.

  I turned and kissed him on the cheek. “Don’t be silly. Rest here until you’re ready to get up. I’ll see you at the coffee shop.”

  He kissed my shoulder. “Okay.”

  Aiden was already falling back asleep as I slipped from the bed. My clothes smelled of him and it was hard to not take deeper breaths than normal.

  Hopping in the shower, I washed myself. As my hands touched my breasts, I looked and imagined Aiden sucking on them. His tongue had swirled around the tip as he rolled the other nipple between his fingers. The last thing I needed was to get worked-up again.

  The biggest part that I had to accept is that there was a possibility Aiden and I wouldn’t end up together. He’d have all my firsts if things continued as they were and I’d be forever emotionally connected to him.

  But, I was connected to Matthew, who I would never see again, and treasured the memories. Aiden didn’t seem like the type to be a jerk. If things did end, I imagined they’d be amicable, allowing us both to remember with fondness what we had.

  I laid my head against the shower wall. Sometimes, I felt like I thought about things as if I was forty and not nineteen. The Society matured someone past their years when they grew up there. Quickly I finished my shower and got ready. Makeup was getting easier and quicker to put on. My hair was naturally straight and I left it that way today. I hadn’t mastered the art of curling it. The couple of times I’d tried, I looked like something scary.

  Aiden slept peacefully on the bed as I grabbed my backpack and headed downstairs. The walk to work was always pleasant. Only a few people were out at this hour. It sometimes reminded me of the peace that always resided over The Society, not the chaos that ruled this culture. There were things I appreciated about my old home, they were few and far between, but they were still there.

  Making it to the Iron Horse Coffee Shop, I opened the door. It was an eclectic place. All of the light fixtures were different colors of blown glass. The tables were iron with mosaic tiles that matched the lights. The chairs were made of the same material as the tables.

  Behind the glass counter that displayed all of the goodies, my boss placed food inside the case artfully. All foods were prepared daily and fresh.

  “Morning, Marie!”

  “Morning, Kenzie!” My boss stopped what she was doing and gave me a friendly smile. Marie pushed her cat-eye shaped glasses back up her nose. “Would you mind helping Dominic in the kitchen this morning? Angela called in sick.”

  Already heading back, I responded, “Sure thing. Don’t forget I need to leave ten to fifteen minutes early if that’s still okay.”

  Running her fingers through her black pixie haircut, Marie looked at the pastry cabinet. “That’s completely fine. Let Dominic know that we
’re going to need some more banana nut muffins and blueberry scones within the hour.”

  “Will do.”

  I headed back in the kitchen after stowing my backpack in the small office to the right. At the counter, Dominic was adding icing to the cinnamon rolls. Dominic was a burly man who had been working here since Marie’s father managed the place.

  “Hey, Dominic. Looks like I’m your helper today.”

  “You’re my favorite helper, Kenzie.” He gave me a wink.

  “I love working in here too.” I walked over to the sink to wash my hands. Calling back over my shoulder, I delivered Marie’s message. “Marie needs banana nut muffins and blueberry scones within the hour. Where do you need me?”

  Dominic started his shift at two in the morning to bake everything. “That’ll be no problem. The scones and muffins will be done within twenty minutes.

  Working in the kitchen was my favorite job. It was away from all the people and Dominic was easy to talk to. He seemed fairly protective of me.

  Dominic checked his baking goods in the oven. “After you get washed up, can you go to the fridge to get the icing I made yesterday?”

  “Sure thing.”

  Work passed in a blur as I kept the pastry cabinets stocked and helped Dominic prepare for tomorrow’s batch he would be cooking.

  Marie came into the room. “Hey, Kenzie. Your hunk is out there waiting for you. I still wish he had an older brother.”

  I gave a slight shake of my head at Marie’s terminology. “I’ll be right out.”

  Putting my apron away and washing up, I looked in the mirror and wiped away the excess flour on my cheek. Dominic stirred away. “Make sure that boy keeps treating you right.”

  “You know I will. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  He waved good-bye with flour filled hands. Making my way out to the main part of the coffee shop it was packed as students got their caffeine fix before their morning classes. Marie tended the cash register while Regina helped fill orders.

  Every morning when Aiden would first see me, his smile would brighten his face. I looked forward to seeing the facial expression every day.

  Aiden put his hand on my lower back. “You look gorgeous today. Did you have a good day?”

  I leaned into him a little more. “I did. Thank you.”

  We walked toward Old Main. Occasionally, Aiden would nod and say hello to someone. As we approached the steps that led to the long walkway to the front of Old Main, Aiden stopped.

  Looking at him puzzled, he gave me a quick kiss before searching my eyes as he spoke, “I liked spending the night with you.”

  From the furrowed brow, I thought this was probably his way of asking how I felt about last night. “I liked it, too. I’m hoping you can stay again soon.”

  “How about tonight?”

  My lips touched his again. Public affection was still hard, but I was getting used to it. “I think that sounds like a date.”

  THE INTERVIEW WAS wrapping up. Congresswoman Hannigan seemed impressed with Aiden’s interview abilities. He exuded professionalism. The congresswoman sat with perfect posture in a crisp black suit with a red shirt that peeked out from underneath the buttoned blazer.

  During the interview, I had remained silent, taking it all in.

  Aiden closed his journal. “Thank you for your time, Congresswoman Hannigan.”

  She stood and exuded a confidence I only wished to have one day. “The pleasure was mine. Thank you for helping spread the word for our fight against bullying.” Turning to me, she asked, “Kenzie, what are your thoughts as a female college student.”

  She had addressed me. Someone from our national government was talking . . . to me . . . and wanted my opinion on something. After all the research I’d done, I had a thorough understanding of the government’s structure and the importance that went with being in Congress.

  Pushing away the desire to do the clap thing that Brooklyn did, I calmly responded while trying to sound intelligent, “I think bringing awareness is the first step. Your three-pronged approach of awareness, realization, and action I believe will prove to be a success for those suffering from bullying.”

  From beside me, Aiden beamed with pride from the way the he nodded as I spoke. Congresswoman Hannigan extended her hand. “I’d like to use your quote for the student reaction piece.”

  She wanted to use my words. I was floored. “That would be an honor.”

  Signaling with a slight tip of the head, a photographer came in. “I’d like to take a picture with both of you.”

  Going to stand beside her, Aiden joined us on the other side of the congresswoman. Her smell was an elegant understated flowery scent. Smiling, the cameraman took a few photos.

  “I think I’ve got it.” He checked his camera for affirmation. “Yes, I do.”

  The congresswoman turned to us again. “Your quote and picture will probably be in the paper in the next day or so as we continue to release promotional pieces for the campaign.”

  Oh no.

  I was going to potentially be in the national news. Throughout the entire campaign, they were posting pictures of the congresswoman along with students. Why hadn’t I remembered this when I’d agreed to this.

  My picture. My quote. They were both going to be in the paper for people outside of this area to see. What if the Keeper kept up with the national news? What if the Keeper saw me? I was terrified at the ramifications as the blood drained from my face. A woozy feeling came over me as I calmed myself enough to speak to the congresswoman. Before I could say anything she left with her crew.

  Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!

  I was going to have to be on my guard. Keeping my face relaxed, I remained outwardly calm while my insides felt like that were frozen in fear. The last thing I wanted was questions from Aiden as to what was wrong. He was attuned with me.

  As we made our way to class, I tried to stay with the conversation, but my thoughts kept going to back to . . . What if they found me?

  THE MIDDLE OF October approached. There was a crispness in the air I loved, always had. The weather here was only slightly warmer than what it at been at my previous home. In between classes, I loved sitting on the bench while drinking a cup of coffee, watching the leaves fall to the ground. There was a peace about it.

  The picture from the paper had made it in the national news, but so far I hadn’t seen anyone I knew from The Society. Thank goodness for terrible photo quality. I’d be nearly impossible for anyone from my previous life to recognize me in the grainy image. Day by day, the worry lessened.

  This morning in my bedroom, like usual, I was up early. I’d bought a small frame for a picture of Mom, Dad, and me at the lake. The silver beaded frame reflected a light I was lost in. What would have I been like if I’d stayed in this world? Would I still be me? No doubt, we were affected by our environment we grow up in, but I wondered if Matthew saw me today what he would think. Maybe The Society had given me a perspective I needed to be the person I was. That was the silver lining I was going with.

  Two months has passed since I’d come to Fayetteville. Overall, I think I’d adjusted well. The headaches were lessening as it took less concentration to fit in as I understood more. Aiden and I had been together for a few weeks. He got me in a way I don’t think anyone ever had.

  Brooklyn bounced on my bed. “So whatcha doing today?”

  Setting the frame aside, Brooklyn smiled at the picture. I’d shown it to her last week. It had been hard to dance around why I didn’t have recent pictures of my mom. The only thing I could think of was that we couldn’t afford a camera. Until I’d gotten here, I didn’t even know cameras existed until I’d researched what takes pictures and makes movies.

  Focusing back on the question of today’s plans, I responded, “Aiden’s taking me up to Mount Kessler. After that, I think we’re coming back here to eat Chinese. What are you and Mike doing?”

  She flopped back on the bed, fresh out of the shower from her workout. Per their
usual tradition, Brooklyn and Aiden had met to run at the gym. I’d been invited, but I thought it was important to still do things on our own at times.

  Propping up on her elbows, Brooklyn sighed. “Mike’s working tonight and I’m going out with some of the girl’s from the sorority. It’ll be fun and I know I need to still hang with my friends, but I hate all the drama. Mike’s easier and I do love the orgasms he can give me.”

  I blushed. My body was wound up from all the touching Aiden and I’d been doing. I wanted to feel his fingers between my legs.

  “When do you think is the right time to start doing more together?” My question was serious as I looked to Brooklyn for answers.

  Her lips quirked to the side as she thought. “I’ve only been with four guys. I’ve had sex with three. For me, each time, I let how I feel about them guide me. The question I ask is, will I regret doing this if it ended tomorrow? If the answer’s no, I go for it.”

  That made sense. “I like that philosophy.”

  Brooklyn laughed. “Thanks for making me sound smarter than I am. I know we’re talking about my brother, which I’m trying to pretend is someone else, but he won’t pressure you, Kenzie. He adores you and will wait.” Had he told her about what we’d done together? That felt private. “And before you think Aiden said anything, he hasn’t. I figured because of your question, things were still in the foreplay stage.”

  Foreplay? Quickly, I added the term to lookup later. “I know. He’s wonderful.”

  Brooklyn put her hands over her ears. “No details. No details.” We both snickered.

  When we calmed from our giggle fit, Brooklyn changed the subject. “You do know you’re welcome to come out with me and the girls any time we go. They’d love you.”

  I’d met a few of Brooklyn’s sorority sisters and they were nice.

  “I know. That means a lot. Sometime, I’ll have to go. I’ve been really busy acclimating.” Also, with Stacy so connected to the Sorority scene, I tried to avoid it. She was still trying to get Aiden to talk to her. He simply ignored her. Besides dirty looks and small catty comments, Stacy left me alone. However, that didn’t mean that I wanted to encourage her.